Post Race Report

It took awhile to process things...it was such an amazing moment, well, series of moments.

I just couldn't get enough sleep the night before. First, the AC in the hotel room wasn't blowing cold air, so it was a little sticky in the room. And of course, I couldn't sleep because I was so excited. Although I fell asleep around 11 pm, I eagerly awoke when my 3 am alarm chimed. I took a shower with little water pressure, did my usual morning routines and made my oatmeal and apple breakfast. I watched the Showtime channel while eating...some weird movie beause every other channel had infomercials playing. I got my special outfit on, checked off my list: watch (check), shuffle (check), race bib (check) and pace bib (check). Matt woke up about an hour after me and got ready pretty quickly. We walked outside the hotel and got on the shuttle bus. It seemed like it took forever to get to the race site. I saw everyone around me excited. Some were drinking their special pre-race shakes. Some were conversing about their expected paces. Some were quiet (like me).

We got to the race site at about 4:50 am. Matt helped secure my bibs and my D-tag. We took pictures with the space props. We sat down to soak it all in....A little later I did my last minute pit stop and searched high and low for a water fountain (because they didn't have water out). We walked to the start area. I found my pace team with leader Marcella. I tried to focus on the tips she was giving, but my mind kept wondering about what was to come. Matt and I embraced for 5 minutes....then I was on my own....

The blast off started....countdown 10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1! Then, nothing. No movement....I started to feel really antsy....I didn't pass the finish line until about 5-6 minutes after the start. What a crazy few minutes! It felt as if we were on Bourbon Street in New Orleans, except without the beads!

LMAO's "Sexy and I Know It" started my 13 mile journey. Also, what started instantly: my back began to hurt. I tried not to panic... I wasn't going to stop! Every mile marker, our pace team cheered for another mile down. I was keeping up with Marcela pretty well. Every water station we walked up to the station, then drank and walked several yards before starting again.

Around mile 2-3, the slight rain started. It felt so refreshing and kept my mind off my back. I saw the sun peek through the clouds and glisten across the Indian River during its rise. I smelt the river and its breeze. I felt the waves and currents...It was so peaceful.

About the turnaround point, my knees started hurting and my feet were aching. I still had half the race left! The cheering crowds helped me get through the last half of the race....also the many people who saw my shirt and while passing me, and congratulated me on my accomplishments kept the fire still burning.

I also kept distracted by thinking about you guys...about all who have touched my life in some way. I also thought about myself and what I have accomplished. That no one can EVER take this away from me. That I am stronger than I give myself credit for. That I am doing this!

Around mile 10, the full marathon winner, a gentleman from Nicaragua passed me....he had a police escort...how amazing! How can someone be that fast for that long!?

Around mile 11, I started crying. "It Will Rain" by Bruno Mars started playing...I guess it all became real that I was about to finish my first half marathon! Lil' Wayne's "How To Love" played after that, and I started to think about how I didn't love myself...but now I do...more crying and 1 mile left...

The intracoastal bridge was my benchmark on how far I had left. It was such a sweet sight to see the crowds and bridge get bigger. One person stood out in the crowds....I'm not sure if she was just a mirage or real. She was about my age and had dark hair pulled back. She was wearing a dark colored shirt and I think jeans. Every so many miles, she was shouting, cheering and clapping for us. As we passed, she looked us in the eyes...her encouragement helped so much! Every time I needed her, she was there!

As we turned to the park and onto the sidewalk, I couldn't hold my emotions back...I started crying until I could hardly breathe, then I had to stop....my feet, my back were hurting...my knees swollen, but I somehow found the strength to run a little faster to the finish. At the finish line, I screamed bloody murder. I think I may have annoyed those who finished near me. Marcella was there to greet me at the finish and one of the volunteers wanted to give me my medal because I was the one who made all that noise. I took a few pictures then I met up with Uncle Doug, Victor and Matt.

It felt weird to stop. The pain in my feet was throbbing and I limped around slowly. I had my breakfast and just took a deep breath....wow!

I took off my shoes and socks gingerly....I found a few monster blister souvenirs...no wonder my feet were hurting!! My legs and knees were super sore, but overall I felt great!

I can now say that I ran 13.1 miles straight without stopping. I ran it in 2:39. I got some heavy bling, a beach towel, a patch and a lifetime full of memories....I cannot wait until the next race!!

Completed at last!

Well, I finished...it was really tough, but I did it...I'm trying to soak in everything at the moment and will have a detailed report about my trip down the Indian River tomorrow. Right now, I'm thankful I can still walk (with a little limp though). :-) More information to come soon!

It...is...here

Right now I have a lot of butterflies fluttering in my stomach. I can't I believe I'm up at 3-something in the morning and I can't believe I'm about to embark on my first 13.1. I'm signed up for my pace team at the expo; it's the slowest pace for the half, but I think it'll keep me on track and push me to finish at a steady pace.

I don't know what will happen when I cross the finish line. I'm kinda nervous about that too. It's like graduation day. I have fought so hard to get here. And now it is here.

It's almost here!

I can't believe in a little over 24 hours I'll be lining up for my first half marathon...It's crazy! I need to get to bed but I'm too excited to sleep. We are leaving for Kennedy Space Center early in the morning to pick up my race packet and to watch the Atlas V rocket launch. Then, some relaxation for the rest of the day. I'll be taking lots of pictures to share. :-) About to make some hot tea...maybe that'll relax the nerves!

Confession Time

It's confession time...I'm sitting here watching a movie on Netflix wearing my 26/28 pair of workout pants and the 3X t-shirt I wore for my first walk circa February 2009. Why am I keeping clothes that are 20 sizes too big for me? Well, they are sooo comfortable and for at least the t-shirt, it's sentimental. In fact, I have kept every race/walk shirt since starting. Each one is like a trophy, proof that I made it. I'm not sure what I'll do with them--maybe make a quilt eventually. In the meantime, I'm going to wear my comfy 3X shirt and enjoy it. :-)

2 weeks...

Several weeks ago I came to terms with the end of my weight loss journey. And now I'm only 2 weeks away from completing another milestone...finishing my first half marathon. I'm nervous, excited, sad and happy. I'm wondering how I'm going to feel as I line up with my pace team at the start. I'm wondering what I'll be thinking about during the race. If I make it to the finish line, what will I do? Will I collapse? Will I be crying? Screaming? Doing a zumba shuffle?

I'm nervous and excited because it's been a llllooooonnng time coming. Two freakin' years....I don't want to disappoint myself and everyone else. I'm sad because this is yet another end and I'm happy because this ending is another fresh beginning.

I just have a lot of thoughts swirling around right now. If the 10-mile race was any indication, after the gun fired, I felt this overwhelming peace embrace me. I hope the same thing happens on 11.27!

One-year later...

I look back at the moment frequently. I could have easily slept in that morning or made up some excuse not to go. But, I'm so thankful that I took the big leap into the racing world on October 9, 2010.

Larissa, the runner, was born that day. She had lost 80 pounds and had gained a bit of confidence about her self-worth. It was time for her to accomplish a long-term goal: completing a 5K.

I'm pretty sure people thought I was crazy. Why is this fat girl wanting to run? I'm not entirely sure why I wanted to--guess it seemed like a fun and freeing activity. And maybe, just maybe, I wanted to prove to myself and the doubters out there that I could do it.

Reflecting back on my first 5K, I would describe it as extremely challenging. Ok, I'm not going to sugar-coat it. I was hurting and sweating like I've never hurt and sweated before. I was counting the minutes, the steps until it was over. But as I crossed the finish line, however, it was the MOST AMAZING feeling. Despite the pain, I felt great. I felt accomplished. I felt like super woman!

As I was listening to the awards presentation at the end of the race, I told myself: "Someday, you will get under 30."

It's taken me a year, but I think I'm ready. I'm ready to stake my claim at the top of this mountain.

Challenge Completed....So, what's next?

I've missed blogging....but life has gotten so interesting the past two months. Since the last blog post, I've ran one 5-mile race and two 5Ks. I've decreased my pace time from 11:27 to 9:46 in that same time frame. :-) I have ran more than 150 miles in less than 150 days. I am pretty proud!

So, what's next?

• First, I want to run a 5K under 30 minutes, which WILL happen on the one-year anniversary of the beginning of my running career. THE HUMAN RACE 10/8/11!! http://www.handsonjacksonville.org/HOJ_HumanRace. I am running for the adult literacy nonprofit Learn to Read Jacksonville. Our team is raising funds to help 1 in 5 adults improve their literacy skills and quality of life in Duval County. If you would like to donate to the team, either write a check payable to Learn to Read, Inc. and I'll collect it OR donate online . Everyone is welcome to cheer on Team Learn to Read at the race. It starts at 8 am at St. Johns Town Center...I hope to see you there! :-)





• Second, I will continue training for my first half marathon in November. SPACE COAST HALF MARATHON http://www.spacecoastmarathon.com/. My goal is to run the ENTIRE 13.1 miles in under 3.5 hours.
  




• Third, I want to shift my focus a bit to not only helping myself but helping others. I want to see others start running/walking, becoming healthier and living life as if it's an adventure not a chore.

For all those who haven't seen it or haven't looked at it lately, my Bailey's Gym testimonial "after" picture was updated. What a difference two years make!!

A Sign

The past four weeks could be described as a whirlwind, a beginning of a new chapter in my life. I have met someone who likes me for me, who is proud of my journey and someone who embraces every aspect of my being. We just get along and enjoy every millisecond of each other’s company. This new chapter isn’t solely dependent on meeting a man. Things have just fallen into place. My running and fitness are going well; I am completely confident that the half marathon is an attainable achievement. And I’m realizing more and more that I am not substandard to anyone and I deserve to be confident and proud. I should boast that loose skin as a sign of my failures and accomplishments. :-)

On Friday, I got a major sign of what my new chapter will include. Relatively speaking, I’ve been pretty quiet on the radar as far as openly expressing my journey. Back in December, I was nominated for being featured as a success story on the Bailey’s Gym new website. I wrote a few paragraphs and included a before and after picture. I thought about it from time to time, but forgot about it until I mentioned it to Matt last Wednesday. On Friday I got a thank you card from the gym. I am one of the few selected as a success story on the gym’s new website! When I looked at the what was back then a “current” picture, I was amazed at how much I’ve changed! That was about 80 pounds ago! Four more 5ks on my racing belt! And a whole lot of extra calories consumed! I’m sending in a more “current” picture. I mention two people specifically in my testimonial. Val, my zumba instructor, because without zumba, I would have never learned to express myself in this unique way. Zumba was the first class I attended at Bailey’s and at least in the beginning, was the only reason I came to the gym. Secondly, I mention Marie, my personal trainer. No amount of words could ever describe how grateful I am for her help, her commitment to someone who others didn’t see the fire inside of me. And, oh yes, I had a fire, but just needed someone to light it. I also can’t forget to mention my two families in Jacksonville. My library fam has been there since before the beginning and their support and encouragement…it’s helped more than anyone will ever realize. My gym fam never gave up on me. It made a difference when you remembered my name when I first started coming to the gym. I can genuinely tell you guys care about me and want to see me succeed. My zumba gals deserve a special mention. Your friendships have helped me so much through all legs of this journey. :-)

If you would like to see my testimonial (updated picture to come soon), visit my page http://baileysgym.com/about-bailey's/testimonials/larissa-buchholz.aspx .

I take this recent development as a sign of what's to come. I think it’s time….

Days 92-106

Day 93: 5.0 mi
Day 94: 3.0 mi
Day 98: 3.0 mi
Day 100: 7.0 mi (not a fluke!)
Day 101: 3.0 mi
Day 103: 0.5 mi (gotta get every bit!)
Day 106: 2.0 mi

TOTAL: 134.15 mi

This is so exciting...I will finish the first of many LJB challenges by the end of next week! 150 miles in less than 120 days! :-)

Reality has set in....

There are a lot of changes going on in my life right now, mostly positive ones! As my title says, reality has set in several ways. First, I'm actually starting to believe I can do the half marathon in November. This time last year I couldn't run a mile, well, not even a half mile. Now, I'm running 7 miles no problem! I'm realizing the sky is the limit; I can do anything I put my mind and body to. I'm starting to think about joining a recreational sports team, not sure which one yet, but I have some particular favorites. :-) Second, because of my increase in mileage, I need to buy new running shoes stat! If I can hold off to the beginning of August (like a week or so from now), I can buy some new ones. I also have to think about whether I will need to get another pair before November and whether I can break them in before GO time.

Third, for the first time in my life, I actually feel beautiful. Going on dates has helped me with this. Not to sound too conceited, but guys like looking at me. lol :-) I've always had guys who liked my physique, but I actually like it myself this time! So, slowly but surely, my confidence meter has risen to a respectable level. I am still self-conscious about some things. And this leads me to my next point. There are always going to be haters no matter your size. I think my successes have made a few jealous and envious so they nitpick on my insecurities. It hurts to a certain extent, because I have busted my ass to get where I'm at. I really challenge anyone who doubts me to follow me on my weekly training schedule and let's see who is left standing! I won't be taking a bow anytime soon! To all the doubters/haters out there, the more you nitpick, the harder I work and the better results I will obtain. THANK YOU!

All this cumulates to a huge revelation last night. I'm sorry; it's about clothes shopping again! I went to Dress Barn for the first time ever last night. I didn't know where to start...so many clothes! So, I just started walking left to go around clockwise. One of the employees greeted me and asked if I needed any help. I told her I was just browsing and this was the first time I've ever been there. She said, "Honey, you need to go to the other side. This is the plus size over here. You need the misses section." That is the best compliment I have ever received from a stranger! I was jumping up and down inside. Did I ever expect to hear that in my lifetime? No way! Did I ever expect to wear clothes which have M's and S's in the size? No, I'd thought the X's would win. End result: I bought a Size SMALL shirt on clearance!

Enjoying life as always! :-)

Days 88-91

Day 88: 1.5 mi
Day 89: 1.0 mi
Day 90: 7.0 mi (Yahoo!!)
Day 91: day off

TOTAL: 110.65 mi

Running Update! Days 53-87

I need to keep up with it more often...here's the last few weeks (well, it's been a month lol):

Day 54: 1.0 mi
Day 55: 3.0 mi
Day 56: 3.0 mi
Day 61: 3.75 mi
Day 62: 1.5 mi
Day 63: 2.0 mi
Day 64: 1.0 mi
Day 66: 1.0 mi
Day 67: 1.0 mi
Day 69: 3.0 mi
Day 76: 3.1 mi
Day 77: 5.0 mi
Day 84: 3.0 mi
Day 87: 3.0 mi

TOTAL mileage to date: 101.15 miles....I have surpassed the 100 mile mark...just can't believe I have ran 100 miles since April...Wow!! :-)

My path to the half marathon

This weekend has been the most amazing one ever! A year ago today, I would have never imagined I could complete a 5K, yet alone participate in a 5K tour! I’ve met so many fabulous people at all different paths in this big journey. I can’t explain this journey, because it is always evolving, it’s always changing. All I know is that it’s right for me.

When I started running, I was doing it for me. Now, I’m doing it for everyone. For everyone who has ever had a long-distant dream and have been told you can’t do it. For those who doubt themselves and for those who need an extra push.

Five months from today, I will proudly line up at the start line and listen to that familiar gun go off. On November 27, 2011, at 6:15 am I will be running alongside the Indian River at the Space Coast Half Marathon in Cocoa, Florida. I officially registered this morning!

I have a long ways to go between now and November 27. But to think how far I have came since January when I couldn’t even run a 5K straight through, I know I can do this! The most important aspect of this journey are you guys! The support has been overwhelming and it makes a difference. Thank you so much!!

Benchmark 100

Preface

It’s really amazing and frightening at times that I am opening up completely on this blog for everyone to see. Some people are open books and can talk about the most sensitive subjects without a blink (not that there’s anything wrong with that). I’m not saying that I hide stuff, but I am no open book. I think this may have to do with being betrayed so many times. I don’t open up to anyone, and to those I do open up, it takes time to build that trust. And yet, I am now opening up to the whole world on this blog. I think I’m doing this for the greater good and for the greater me or maybe I’m just crazy. I am writing this preface because what I’m about to say—it’s been a long time coming—is hard for me to talk about out in the open. So, here it goes (I warn you--it's long)…

I remember so vividly when I reached the centennial mark. Wow, losing 100 pounds—amazing. And yet, I woke up most mornings crying in the beginning. And these weren’t superficial tears, these were tears deep, down inside that have wanted to escape for a lifetime. It was like someone snapped their fingers and bam! I was different. I firmly believe in a thing called weight discrimination, because for all my life I’ve been a victim. And suddenly after losing 100 pounds, it stopped. People said I was paranoid. That no one was treating me differently and laughed it off like it was too absurd for a second thought. Yet, when I hit that magic mark, people did treat me differently and my beliefs—what I’ve felt for all my life, were validated.

During this time, my thoughts were dominated by figuring out how people could treat the same person so differently. A year ago, you would pass me in the aisle and try to get as far away as possible. Now, you come so close that we brush shirts, like I’m just an ordinary person. Why? I’m the same; I just look different on the outside. When I took the bus a year ago, you wouldn’t sit by me—you would rather stand in the aisle. Now, you choose to sit by me even though there are other open spots. A year ago, you would look at me and pass me like I’m nothing. Now, you walk past me, smile and say hello, like I’m human.

A year ago, I was treated subhuman. People defined me by my weight. And people had this deep-seated hatred for me or rather “my kind.” I was riding the bus one day a few years ago and this woman who usually always sits by this one guy, was upset when I took the spot next to him, so she couldn’t directly talk to him. She yelled across the bus, “You’ve got a black hole covering your sunshine, dear.” Laughter…

I had someone chew me out once because he saw I had a McDonald’s bag and asked me why I wanted to be fat. Like he was any better with his McDonald’s bag?

I’ve been spit on, gross stuff thrown in my hair, yelled at, “mooed” at, pushed around and all around made to feel like I wasn’t human. Like I didn’t deserve to live.

And that was one of my original motivations when I started this journey…Just to feel normal, like I was HUMAN.

And so, the conflict ensued in my mind…I enjoyed, for the first time in my life, being treated like I wasn’t a freak of nature. But, then I felt guilty because it just wasn’t right!

After six months, I’m still getting used to the difference. I would say most of the differences are due to people’s subconscious actions. It’s not like they’re trying to treat me differently. Our society teaches us that fat people are lazy, stupid and an overall menace to the world. So, I can’t place all the blame on the individual person. However, the overall snide remarks and actions, I place most the blame on the individual. There are always going to be hateful people in the world…but why is there so much hate for fat people? Is it because we’re any easy target? Is it because most people will ignore and/or even laugh at the havoc the bullies cause them? Maybe it was my nice personality that made people think I was an easy target?

There were times that I stood up against the discrimination. One night in my dorm room, I heard my neighbors and their boyfriends walk by. They stopped at our room and started talking about my roommate and I. They had nice things to say about my roommate, but when they got to me, they were laughing about how fat I was…I don’t remember the exact remarks, but it made me so upset that I got dressed (I was in bed about to sleep) and knocked on their door. I directed my brief statement to all four of them. I said something like this: “Hi. I just want to let you guys know that I heard what you said about me at my door. How dare you say that about me! You guys don’t even know me. You can talk all about how fat I am but my fat doesn’t define me. You have hurt my feelings and I have lost all respect for you! If I ever hear you guys talking about me in this discriminatory manner, I will complain to the floor advisor (we were in an honors floor).” I watched as their jaws dropped to the floor. When I was finished with my brief statement, I left their door open, proudly walking away with tears and a smile. I had done it. Finally, I stood up to my tormentors. Needless to say, my neighbors avoided me and really, I ignored them too. Toward the end of the school year, one of them (the other had moved out) came up to me in the bathroom and apologized and we were OK. This is just one story out of many. But most I didn’t stand up for myself.

So, now after many years, I am officially standing up for myself and anyone who has been in similar situations. I think the only way I will make a difference is doing what I’m doing now—writing this blog so people will learn about my experiences.

Whew…this was exhausting!

My first attempt post "new me"

This weekend I did something I haven't attempted since September of last year, nearly 100 or so pounds ago. I went to the pool and got in! It was what I expected. I sank like a bag of bricks. I no longer have my natural "floaties." It's a good thing, but now I have to start all over. I'm back to square one on my swimming lessons....A few positives: 1) I can actually touch my knees on the bottom of the pool and 2) I can hold my breath for a lot longer.

I'm not even sure where to start now....

Days 40-52

I've been slacking on posting my mileage!

Day 40: 1.25 mi
Day 41: 3.1 mi (Never Quit Run)
Day 42: 0
Day 43: 1.0 mi
Day 44: 0
Day 45: 1.0 mi
Day 46: 0
Day 47: 1.25 mi
Day 48: 0
Day 49: 3.0 mi
Day 50: 0
Day 51: 0
Day 52: 3.0 mi (National Running Day)

TOTAL: 65.8 miles!

The Picture

As I was disinfecting the tables yesterday morning toward the end of class, one student was left in the room working on his program. He looked up when I approached and said, "Congratulations on a great job!" I was thinking: "Wow! this just made my day...someone complimented me on my cleaning skills!" He then pointed to my badge and said, "I noticed your picture. How much have you lost?"

I don't pay too much attention to this photo and most days I forget it's even there. But, what she represents is 170 pounds of excess, 170 pounds of blood, sweat and tears shed. She symbolizes a person who didn't believe in herself, who thought even running 1 mile was an unattainable dream...Well, even beyond the realm of dreams, more like fantasy. When I have time to reflect, I ask myself if this is real? Am I really doing this? Did I really lose all this weight or will I wake up in my former shell? Yes, it's real and I can do anything I put my mind, body and soul to. I want to ride a roller coaster without fear or embarrassment. I want to run a half marathon, a marathon and ultramarathon. I want to learn martial arts (particularly jujitsu). I want to climb another mountain (something a little more challenging than my first, Gloss Mountain in Oklahoma http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Glass_Mountains). But first, maybe I should update the picture? :-)

Did I Quit?

NEVER!

There’s a reason why it’s called the Never Quit 5K! It was my toughest challenge so far, but I pushed through and finished. The heat was by far the biggest obstacle. I lined up about 30 minutes early to get a decent spot and to watch the Navy Seals parachuting out of a helicopter. It was an awesome sight to see!! During the pre-race show, people were dropping from the heat and medics were being called left and right. I was already soaked in sweat before the race (I think it may have added a few pounds!). I actually finished my first mile in better time than 2 weeks ago, right under 11 minutes. The last half of the race was pure torture. The wind didn’t seem to be blowing as much and the heat was starting to wear its toll on me because the sun was more directly in my face. I couldn’t get too distracted by the peaceful sounds of the waves or the scent of the ocean, because I had to dodge landscape changes in the sand, including manmade ditches, leftover sand castles and the occasionally beachgoer lounging in his chair in the middle of the course. During the last mile, all I could think about was whether I could finish or should I just jump in the waves and let the water cool me. I felt like I was going to pass out and toward the very end, my stomach was getting sick. I thought it was a mirage, but I saw the yellow finish line in the distance. I saw the pier…I was getting closer, so why didn’t it seem like I was making progress? Alas, I eventually crossed the finish line!

After I passed the finish line, I remember seeing the silver platters of chocolate covered strawberries. I grabbed the biggest one in sight and I think I may have swallowed it whole! :-) I got my lei and then got a cold smoothie, some water and my sea turtle pendant from a Navy SEAL. After a banana and some additional water, I walked to my car, changed clothes and enjoyed the after party! I actually ran into some cool people I haven’t seen in a long time!

Next year, I expect to see some of you there with me. Although it’s a difficult race, the rush, the feeling you have after is indescribable. So, who will you never quit for? I will never quit for the half of me I’ve lost!

I ran the whole race and definitely tested my body physically and maybe even mentally. I don’t have my official time yet. I crossed the finish line in 40, but it took awhile to cross the start line, so I don’t have my official time yet. Oh well, I had fun! :-)

Never Quit Living Life

Tomorrow is the big day! The Never Quit 5K and Beach Fest is tomorrow evening. This most recent challenge couldn't come at a better time. I am so ready to run on the beach to fight against the wind and then let the wind carry me to the finish line (and red carpet! :-) ).

On the race bib, each participant is supposed to write who he/she is not quitting for. I've been thinking about this a lot...I know what I want to write, but I don't want to seem selfish. Is it okay to write myself? This is the year that I'm not quitting; bit by bit I'm flushing out the weaknesses that led me to what I became. I will never quit for my former fat self. Wow, it just sounds really weird to say "former" in front of fat. A part of me feels like I haven't earned the write to say it yet. A part of me thinks I have every right to say it and feel proud. And then there's another part that thinks "fat" is just another relative term. One person's fat is not another person's fat. So, what's the big deal?

Another important part of the race is the attire. This will be the first time EVER that I'm wearing a tank top out in public without covering myself. It's completely sleeveless! Aaaaaahhh! I'm a little nervous....but I think I'll be worrying more about finishing faster to really pay attention or care. Yes, I'll have my game face on!

In addition to Saturday's festivities, on Sunday I'm going with 3 awesome people to Marineland to the dolphin touch and feed program. I can't wait to interact with the dolphins....it's going to be some good therapy for my soul!

I will never quit NEVER!

Days 38 and 39

Day 38: 0.5 mi
Day 39: 3.0 mi

TOTAL: 52.2 miles

I am officially one third completed with this challenge, about 10 days ahead of schedule...Woohoo!

Too Fat To Fly?

I saw this news story on The Today Show while I was heading out for work this morning. http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/43065073

It's nothing really shocking. Southwest has always had a reputation for not being fat-friendly. I've searched through blogs, list servs, groups, etc. and all of them report negative experiences with this particular airline. I think the agent could have handled it a little more delicately and followed the procedures for such a situation. However, I also see why the airlines require purchasing another seat--for safety reasons and comfort reasons.

I haven't flown anywhere since October 2010, but when I was bigger I always came prepared with a seat belt extender. Just in case the seat belt wouldn't snap into place. Yes, most airlines have seat belt extenders on the plane, but it's embarrassing to ask and I've heard they're brightly colored and make you stand out.

In addition, to avoid the situation and embarrassment, I just wouldn't fly anywhere.

Until this morning, I haven't really thought about how my experience on a plane will change. I don't have to worry about seat belt extenders or being afraid the agent will tell me I need to buy an extra seat. It makes me wanna fly somewhere, anywhere!

So, my whole opinion boils down to this: I don't think it's unfair for airlines to require some passengers to purchase an extra seat if their size encroaches another seat or may disturb the safety of the plane's operations. However, I don't care what situation it may be, it's not alright to embarrass a customer like that.

In case you are interested, the "too fat to fly" passenger has a blog: http://www.blogher.com/frame.php?url=http://alltheweigh2009.blogspot.com/2011/04/day-southwest-airlines-turned-my-old.html She has lost over 100 pounds.

Where should I fly to first? :-)

Days 27-37

Need to keep up with this more!

Day 27: Human Race 5K, 3.1 mi
Day 28: 1.0 mi
Day 29: 1.0 mi
Day 30: 1.0 mi
Day 31: 1.0 mi
Day 32: 1.0 mi
Day 33: off...not a good day
Day 34: 4.0 mi!
Day 35: 1.0 mi
Day 36: 1.5 mi
Day 37: off!

TOTAL: 48.7 mi (almost 1/3 completed!)

Heartbreak and Running

Sorry about my absence. The past week or so has been a roller coaster ride, but that's what life is, right--one crazy ride?

I absolutely hate having my heart broken. In the past, my coping skills for this type of situation would be a chocolate cookies 'n' cream explosion ice cream, double the sprinkles, and oh add some kit kats too. I refused to do it this time. Instead, I got up the next morning, and started running. I ran 4 miles and then walked 1.

During the run, I crossed paths with one of my heroes. I see him running every day along the same path (University N). He must be at least 70. I wave at him when I'm driving to work. This particular morning, though, we were running on opposite sides of the road. We gave the familiar runner's nod and we then exchanged the top-secret, for runners only, hand gesture (LOL). Then, I was about half way through the run when I heard my name. I turned around and it was one of the volunteers from my job. Interesting what you will see on a Saturday morning running.

I don't have my running log with me, so I don't know exactly where I'm at as far as mileage. I know I'm getting close to being a third completed, which is ahead of schedule.

I feel very proud of myself for taking this negative event in my life and trying to produce positive results. This week I'm going to decide on my first half marathon....so excited!

Lastly, I want to thank EVERYONE for their support. I feel so loved and I'm lucky to know every one of you.

Victory is mine!

After the Human Race 5K! :-)

Ode to Running and the 5K

About 7 months ago, I started running races. I didn't realize how much passion I would have for it. It's kinda crazy to think about life without it!

It started out as a dream. Three years ago, I started thinking about running, although I couldn't run at all. It just seemed like it would be fun and graceful, like a bird gliding in the breeze. When I told people about my dream to run, some people said, "that's cool" and some just laughed at me like I was nuts. One person actually told me, "You will never be able to do that." It didn't help at the time, but it's always been a driving force behind me going further.

And so today, I waited for the gun, thinking about how many of my dreams have come true in the past 7 months and how many are left. Today was graduation day.

You really helped me, 5K, discover my potential. But now, it's time to move to bigger races, to bigger dreams, to bigger obstacles. Don't worry....I'll visit you from time to time as my training progresses....

Now, for the fun stuff...my results:
Since the Gate River Run 5K, I have improved my time by 3 minutes. I ran this race today without stopping. I kept repeating: "slow, but steady wins the race."

At the first mile, I had to blink my eyes several times to make sure I wasn't dreaming: 11:20!! Second mile was 11:50 and third mile I think was in the 13 minute range (need to work more on keeping a consistent pace!). Overall, I finished the race in 36:41, my pace being 11:50. Woohoo in the 11-minute range! :-)

It was a beautiful morning to run...even got a suprise on my windshield--Florida snow! (ash from a wildfire!) I did a pretty good job on picking a target to follow--Thank you guy in the yellow shirt and green shorts...and thank you for letting me pass you the last mile...it was fun while it lasted!

What's next? I'm contemplating doing the Never Quit Beach Fest 5K in a few weeks, because I want to run on the beach so bad! I will probably do a 5K every few months or so. But my main focus is now the monster half marathon!

Thanks for reading! :-)

Days 24, 25 and 26

Day 24: 1.0 mile
Day 25: 1.0 mile
Day 26: 1.5 miles

TOTAL: 34.1 miles

Changing....

What a difference a few weeks make! Although my body is changing constantly, it seems like the past week or so the changes have been drastic.

I'm seeing the shape of bones, particularly in the hands which I have never been able to see as clearly as now.

The clothes are a challenge each week. I have three bags in my closet: one for a homeless shelter, the second for a clothes swap and third a bag of throw-aways. And every week, I add more items to each bag. Particularly this week, I have seen a big change in how clothes are fitting me. My poor khaki pants never stood a chance (I didn't realize how hard it is to find nice fitting khakis!). My "wear-around-the-house" clothes are also taking a toll. On Tuesday night, I was taking out two bags of trash when my pants dropped right above the knees. Luckily, I don't think anyone saw me and I was wearing a long shirt, so it was all good. Another one bites the dust!

Another change I feel is my appetite. You know how work is (phone calls, clients, class, paperwork, etc.)...sometimes, you just can't fit in those in-between-meal snacks. Well, if I miss even one snack, it feels like I'm dying of hunger. I can no longer survive without those snacks! My metabolism has increased another level!

My endurance has also increased a lot, so I have to find new ways to switch it up with my body. My trainer Marie does an excellent job of this and pushing my body to its limits. The classes help a lot too. Power pump and 300 change each month; zumba lets me physically express myself a little different each time. I also change the distances and speeds of my running.

One last thing....When I originally started my journey almost two years ago, my goal weight was 180. 180=the big prize in the sky! Well, not only did I achieve my ultimate long term goal this week, I have also surpassed it! Now, my goals are more oriented to running milestones. Here's to many more goals achieved and many changes which await me in the future....

Days 20, 21, 22, 23

Day 20: 3.1 mi
Day 21: 1.05 mi
Day 22: 3.1 mi
Day 23: off

TOTAL: 30.6 miles

The Rematch: 7 months later...

It's been a long time coming. I look at that picture and think about how nervous and scared I was, lining up for my first 5K. I was so worried I would not finish. Then, as people started passing me, I wondered how horrible it would be to finish dead last. When I crossed the finish line, I was happy, but tired and exhausted. And I hurt for days! I look at myself in this picture. Seven months ago I was 80 pounds heavier and could barely run a quarter mile, let alone a full mile.

Next Saturday, May 7, I'm having a rematch with myself. Where it all started: The Human Race 5K. I'm not really nervous; I'm rather excited to see what I can do now. I know I can run the whole race, that I can beat that stinkin' clock and that I will sprint to the finish line in celebration of everything I've accomplished in my 7 months of running. :-)

Days 18 & 19

Day 18: 1.0 mi
Day 19: 0.25 mi (I was in a little rush and couldn't squeeze in any more!)

TOTAL: 23.35 miles

Days 16 and 17

Day 16: off!
Day 17: 3.6 miles

TOTAL: 22.1 miles!

In A Dream...

Up until now, the image of myself in dreams was fuzzy. I could never quite make myself out. All I knew is that I was like everyone else; I fit in. But on Easter morning, I awoke to only remembering a segment of a dream. I could see myself in the glass, professionally dressed. My figure, my outline so vivid, so distinct. And this image was me, how I look now, not how I want to look or think I should look. The only thing out of place: I was wearing glasses, albeit I wouldn't mind wearing those because they looked really nice!

This dream is confirming how I've been starting to feel. I no longer see myself as this shadowy, fuzzy figure. I now see myself as a unique individual, who is no longer ashamed. I've got a long ways to go, but at least it's a step in the right direction!

Days 13, 14 and 15

Day 13: off day!!
Day 14: 1.5 miles
Day 15: 0.5 miles

TOTAL: 18.5 miles!

A Small Step to Recovery

I made a small (but huge) step to my recovery last night. You may be asking what do I mean by "recovery"? Well, over the years, my self esteem has suffered a lot. We all have those days where we aren't feeling it. I used to not ever "feel it." I guess deep, down inside I knew I was worth it, but after being beat down constantly--it takes a toll on the self esteem.

So, after losing all this weight, it's taking my mind some time to catch up with my physical self. My mind is still in default to hide myself. Slowly, but surely, I'm taking baby steps to reverse that default. Now, I'm not saying I will go to the other extreme and become a nudist or one day show up at the gym in a string bikini. :-) But I am buying AND wearing more form fitting clothes. I also bought some nearly sleaveless shirts. This is a big deal for me, because I'm extremely self-conscious about my arms, especially with all the lose skin.

Last night, I wore one of my nearly sleavless shirts out in public! I was so afraid of people staring at me, but they didn't. I could enjoy a summer evening like everyone else!

I feel like one more bar has been broken in my self-imposed jail.....

Day 12

1.5 miles
TOTAL: 16.5 miles

Thighs are sore today!

Day 11

I think I've gone crazy! I decided to run to the gym (literally) and then take Power 300 and then run back!! You know what body part hurts the most? My booty! Ouch!

Although the temp was cooler on the way back, it was more difficult because it felt like I had my cat in a snuggie with my big full Publix water bottle in my bag! LOL

Day 11: 1.5 miles each way (3.0 miles total)

TOTAL: 15 miles! 135 to go!

What is Plus Size?

I'm still thinking about my latest clothes shopping trip. I keep on talking about "plus size." But what is exactly is it? A year ago, I had a very different definition than I do now. Back then, it was anyone who fit a certain size, let's say 14 or above. Now, as I approach (and in some clothes surpass) my given threshold, I don't know what I'm supposed to be. My perspective has changed--everything is relative.

Several weeks ago, I went dancing at a club and a guy was asking about the "skinny" chick and the "big" chick. Yes, I was the big chick, but I was dancing next to a person with a totally different body shape and yes, she was some sizes smaller than me. It didn't really bother me being called big, maybe because I now know I will always be bigger than someone. I will never be the biggest nor the smallest. Anyway, who cares what a drunk dude says at a club?!

Then, there are people who say I'm getting too small and shouldn't lose anymore weight. I think I'm still going to be losing weight. But, losing the weight is definitely not why I'm doing it. Weight is a way to measure my progress. I believe I'm meant for bigger things. I believe someday I will be a respectable and competitive athlete. I believe I can find my balance someday.

This is a learning process, in which trial and error is used many times. Some things work; some don't. This is the way it should be; I'm actually finding more and more of my balance each week. It's getting easier to stick to the healthy lifestyle and harder to revert back to the unhealthy lifestyle. Food is no longer the enemy or the hero; it's just fuel for my "well-oiled" machine called my body. :-)

Funny quote to end my post...As a patron at the library once said, there goes the "white girl with the booty!" LOL

Day 10

Day 10 I warmed up with a half mile, did my weight and strength training, then ran a mile. (Plus, Marie's power pump). So, 1.5 miles today!

TOTAL: 12.0 miles!

Day 9

1.0 mile gained on Day 9.


TOTAL: 10.5 miles, only 139.5 miles to go!!

Clothes Shopping

This weekend as promised I went on a clothes shopping adventure. It seems nowadays clothes shopping can get very emotional. I admit it--I usually cry in the dressing room, or at least tear up a bit. You see, being a plus-sized woman, I am used to getting whatever fits me. Not having any choices. Now, I have choices. I don't have to get the leopard print moo-moo because that's the only thing in my size.

But, as I am realizing, this experience too is quite an adventure. I sometimes (actually all the time) am frustrated with how clothes are fitting me. The plus size is too big and the "other side" of the store is too small. At times, I feel like I'm a freak of nature, still not belonging to one side or the other. I've heard a lot of people say that "it's a good problem to have." But, it's so frustrating. I've ALWAYS been defined by being PLUS SIZE. Now, what am I?

This weekend I said goodbye to plus size stores. It was a joyous and somber occassion. I said hello to new places like Plato's closet.

Overall, it was a successful shopping experience. I found some clothes for home and work. :-)

Days 4-8

Well, I'm a little behind in the posting, but I am not behind in the running!

Day 4: 1.25 miles
Day 5: 1.0 mile
Day 6: OFF
Day 7: 2.0 miles
Day 8: 2.0 miles

TOTAL: 9.5 miles ran so far! :-)

Day 3

1 mile added to Day 3!
Total: 3.25 miles

I am breaking down and doing some major clothes shopping this weekend. Most of my clothes, especially work clothes, aren't fitting right, so I am getting new ones. My plan is to stop by several thrift shops and a few others.

My running routine is going well so far. I'm trying to figure out what works best for me. I can't wait for my next 5K in May, then more training and more runs and finally a half marathon!

146.75 miles to go!!

Day 2

Ran 1.25 miles! 2.25 miles total and lots more to go!!

Day 1

Well, today is the start of a long journey! I think I'll run tonight because, I didn't have the willpower to get out of bed by 4 this morning! One of my students told me in class today that he ran 11 miles earlier! I think by the end of the semester I'll have half the class starting to run/walk! hehehe


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Beach Blvd,Jacksonville,United States

What is 150 in 150?

I am happy to announce that I have lost 150 pounds since starting this journey to a healthier me! First thought that came to mind: How should I celebrate this achievement? It's not every day that someone loses 150 pounds (without surgery), right? What better way to celebrate then to challenge myself even further!

150 in 150 is just one arm of the LJB project (the "me" project). 150 in 150 is a simple challenge: run 150 miles in 150 days. When I put this in writing, it sounds a lot scarier! But, I've been scared about a lot of things over the past year or so. I was scared when I joined the gym (Are they going to wonder why this fat girl is even trying at the gym?). I was scared when I went to my first zumba class (Will they note every misstep I make?). I was scared when I started the personal training sessions (Will she understand me and care about me to see me through this long road ahead?). I was scared when I first started power walking (How can I walk this fast while carrying all this weight?). And I was scared right before the gun was shot in my first 5K (Am I going to be the very last person to cross the finish line and will people feel sorry for me?). Honestly, I am scared about this challenge, but it must mean I'm on the right path. It's okay to fail. It's okay if you can't do it like everyone else. What's important? You give it your best effort and you will never lose.

So, when does this challenge begin? Monday, April 11, 2011...150 days later, September 7, 2011! I will keep this blog updated throughout all my adventures. I'm just glad I get to share it with everyone! Please follow my blog to keep updated on the progress. Day 1 is Monday!