In A Dream...

Up until now, the image of myself in dreams was fuzzy. I could never quite make myself out. All I knew is that I was like everyone else; I fit in. But on Easter morning, I awoke to only remembering a segment of a dream. I could see myself in the glass, professionally dressed. My figure, my outline so vivid, so distinct. And this image was me, how I look now, not how I want to look or think I should look. The only thing out of place: I was wearing glasses, albeit I wouldn't mind wearing those because they looked really nice!

This dream is confirming how I've been starting to feel. I no longer see myself as this shadowy, fuzzy figure. I now see myself as a unique individual, who is no longer ashamed. I've got a long ways to go, but at least it's a step in the right direction!

A Small Step to Recovery

I made a small (but huge) step to my recovery last night. You may be asking what do I mean by "recovery"? Well, over the years, my self esteem has suffered a lot. We all have those days where we aren't feeling it. I used to not ever "feel it." I guess deep, down inside I knew I was worth it, but after being beat down constantly--it takes a toll on the self esteem.

So, after losing all this weight, it's taking my mind some time to catch up with my physical self. My mind is still in default to hide myself. Slowly, but surely, I'm taking baby steps to reverse that default. Now, I'm not saying I will go to the other extreme and become a nudist or one day show up at the gym in a string bikini. :-) But I am buying AND wearing more form fitting clothes. I also bought some nearly sleaveless shirts. This is a big deal for me, because I'm extremely self-conscious about my arms, especially with all the lose skin.

Last night, I wore one of my nearly sleavless shirts out in public! I was so afraid of people staring at me, but they didn't. I could enjoy a summer evening like everyone else!

I feel like one more bar has been broken in my self-imposed jail.....