Reality has set in....

There are a lot of changes going on in my life right now, mostly positive ones! As my title says, reality has set in several ways. First, I'm actually starting to believe I can do the half marathon in November. This time last year I couldn't run a mile, well, not even a half mile. Now, I'm running 7 miles no problem! I'm realizing the sky is the limit; I can do anything I put my mind and body to. I'm starting to think about joining a recreational sports team, not sure which one yet, but I have some particular favorites. :-) Second, because of my increase in mileage, I need to buy new running shoes stat! If I can hold off to the beginning of August (like a week or so from now), I can buy some new ones. I also have to think about whether I will need to get another pair before November and whether I can break them in before GO time.

Third, for the first time in my life, I actually feel beautiful. Going on dates has helped me with this. Not to sound too conceited, but guys like looking at me. lol :-) I've always had guys who liked my physique, but I actually like it myself this time! So, slowly but surely, my confidence meter has risen to a respectable level. I am still self-conscious about some things. And this leads me to my next point. There are always going to be haters no matter your size. I think my successes have made a few jealous and envious so they nitpick on my insecurities. It hurts to a certain extent, because I have busted my ass to get where I'm at. I really challenge anyone who doubts me to follow me on my weekly training schedule and let's see who is left standing! I won't be taking a bow anytime soon! To all the doubters/haters out there, the more you nitpick, the harder I work and the better results I will obtain. THANK YOU!

All this cumulates to a huge revelation last night. I'm sorry; it's about clothes shopping again! I went to Dress Barn for the first time ever last night. I didn't know where to start...so many clothes! So, I just started walking left to go around clockwise. One of the employees greeted me and asked if I needed any help. I told her I was just browsing and this was the first time I've ever been there. She said, "Honey, you need to go to the other side. This is the plus size over here. You need the misses section." That is the best compliment I have ever received from a stranger! I was jumping up and down inside. Did I ever expect to hear that in my lifetime? No way! Did I ever expect to wear clothes which have M's and S's in the size? No, I'd thought the X's would win. End result: I bought a Size SMALL shirt on clearance!

Enjoying life as always! :-)

Changing....

What a difference a few weeks make! Although my body is changing constantly, it seems like the past week or so the changes have been drastic.

I'm seeing the shape of bones, particularly in the hands which I have never been able to see as clearly as now.

The clothes are a challenge each week. I have three bags in my closet: one for a homeless shelter, the second for a clothes swap and third a bag of throw-aways. And every week, I add more items to each bag. Particularly this week, I have seen a big change in how clothes are fitting me. My poor khaki pants never stood a chance (I didn't realize how hard it is to find nice fitting khakis!). My "wear-around-the-house" clothes are also taking a toll. On Tuesday night, I was taking out two bags of trash when my pants dropped right above the knees. Luckily, I don't think anyone saw me and I was wearing a long shirt, so it was all good. Another one bites the dust!

Another change I feel is my appetite. You know how work is (phone calls, clients, class, paperwork, etc.)...sometimes, you just can't fit in those in-between-meal snacks. Well, if I miss even one snack, it feels like I'm dying of hunger. I can no longer survive without those snacks! My metabolism has increased another level!

My endurance has also increased a lot, so I have to find new ways to switch it up with my body. My trainer Marie does an excellent job of this and pushing my body to its limits. The classes help a lot too. Power pump and 300 change each month; zumba lets me physically express myself a little different each time. I also change the distances and speeds of my running.

One last thing....When I originally started my journey almost two years ago, my goal weight was 180. 180=the big prize in the sky! Well, not only did I achieve my ultimate long term goal this week, I have also surpassed it! Now, my goals are more oriented to running milestones. Here's to many more goals achieved and many changes which await me in the future....

A Small Step to Recovery

I made a small (but huge) step to my recovery last night. You may be asking what do I mean by "recovery"? Well, over the years, my self esteem has suffered a lot. We all have those days where we aren't feeling it. I used to not ever "feel it." I guess deep, down inside I knew I was worth it, but after being beat down constantly--it takes a toll on the self esteem.

So, after losing all this weight, it's taking my mind some time to catch up with my physical self. My mind is still in default to hide myself. Slowly, but surely, I'm taking baby steps to reverse that default. Now, I'm not saying I will go to the other extreme and become a nudist or one day show up at the gym in a string bikini. :-) But I am buying AND wearing more form fitting clothes. I also bought some nearly sleaveless shirts. This is a big deal for me, because I'm extremely self-conscious about my arms, especially with all the lose skin.

Last night, I wore one of my nearly sleavless shirts out in public! I was so afraid of people staring at me, but they didn't. I could enjoy a summer evening like everyone else!

I feel like one more bar has been broken in my self-imposed jail.....

Clothes Shopping

This weekend as promised I went on a clothes shopping adventure. It seems nowadays clothes shopping can get very emotional. I admit it--I usually cry in the dressing room, or at least tear up a bit. You see, being a plus-sized woman, I am used to getting whatever fits me. Not having any choices. Now, I have choices. I don't have to get the leopard print moo-moo because that's the only thing in my size.

But, as I am realizing, this experience too is quite an adventure. I sometimes (actually all the time) am frustrated with how clothes are fitting me. The plus size is too big and the "other side" of the store is too small. At times, I feel like I'm a freak of nature, still not belonging to one side or the other. I've heard a lot of people say that "it's a good problem to have." But, it's so frustrating. I've ALWAYS been defined by being PLUS SIZE. Now, what am I?

This weekend I said goodbye to plus size stores. It was a joyous and somber occassion. I said hello to new places like Plato's closet.

Overall, it was a successful shopping experience. I found some clothes for home and work. :-)