It's been a long time coming. I look at that picture and think about how nervous and scared I was, lining up for my first 5K. I was so worried I would not finish. Then, as people started passing me, I wondered how horrible it would be to finish dead last. When I crossed the finish line, I was happy, but tired and exhausted. And I hurt for days! I look at myself in this picture. Seven months ago I was 80 pounds heavier and could barely run a quarter mile, let alone a full mile.
Next Saturday, May 7, I'm having a rematch with myself. Where it all started: The Human Race 5K. I'm not really nervous; I'm rather excited to see what I can do now. I know I can run the whole race, that I can beat that stinkin' clock and that I will sprint to the finish line in celebration of everything I've accomplished in my 7 months of running. :-)
My First
October 2010, My First 5K
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Days 18 & 19
Day 18: 1.0 mi
Day 19: 0.25 mi (I was in a little rush and couldn't squeeze in any more!)
TOTAL: 23.35 miles
Day 19: 0.25 mi (I was in a little rush and couldn't squeeze in any more!)
TOTAL: 23.35 miles
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
In A Dream...
Up until now, the image of myself in dreams was fuzzy. I could never quite make myself out. All I knew is that I was like everyone else; I fit in. But on Easter morning, I awoke to only remembering a segment of a dream. I could see myself in the glass, professionally dressed. My figure, my outline so vivid, so distinct. And this image was me, how I look now, not how I want to look or think I should look. The only thing out of place: I was wearing glasses, albeit I wouldn't mind wearing those because they looked really nice!
This dream is confirming how I've been starting to feel. I no longer see myself as this shadowy, fuzzy figure. I now see myself as a unique individual, who is no longer ashamed. I've got a long ways to go, but at least it's a step in the right direction!
This dream is confirming how I've been starting to feel. I no longer see myself as this shadowy, fuzzy figure. I now see myself as a unique individual, who is no longer ashamed. I've got a long ways to go, but at least it's a step in the right direction!
Saturday, April 23, 2011
A Small Step to Recovery
I made a small (but huge) step to my recovery last night. You may be asking what do I mean by "recovery"? Well, over the years, my self esteem has suffered a lot. We all have those days where we aren't feeling it. I used to not ever "feel it." I guess deep, down inside I knew I was worth it, but after being beat down constantly--it takes a toll on the self esteem.
So, after losing all this weight, it's taking my mind some time to catch up with my physical self. My mind is still in default to hide myself. Slowly, but surely, I'm taking baby steps to reverse that default. Now, I'm not saying I will go to the other extreme and become a nudist or one day show up at the gym in a string bikini. :-) But I am buying AND wearing more form fitting clothes. I also bought some nearly sleaveless shirts. This is a big deal for me, because I'm extremely self-conscious about my arms, especially with all the lose skin.
Last night, I wore one of my nearly sleavless shirts out in public! I was so afraid of people staring at me, but they didn't. I could enjoy a summer evening like everyone else!
I feel like one more bar has been broken in my self-imposed jail.....
Friday, April 22, 2011
Day 11
I think I've gone crazy! I decided to run to the gym (literally) and then take Power 300 and then run back!! You know what body part hurts the most? My booty! Ouch!
Although the temp was cooler on the way back, it was more difficult because it felt like I had my cat in a snuggie with my big full Publix water bottle in my bag! LOL
Day 11: 1.5 miles each way (3.0 miles total)
TOTAL: 15 miles! 135 to go!
Although the temp was cooler on the way back, it was more difficult because it felt like I had my cat in a snuggie with my big full Publix water bottle in my bag! LOL
Day 11: 1.5 miles each way (3.0 miles total)
TOTAL: 15 miles! 135 to go!
Thursday, April 21, 2011
What is Plus Size?
I'm still thinking about my latest clothes shopping trip. I keep on talking about "plus size." But what is exactly is it? A year ago, I had a very different definition than I do now. Back then, it was anyone who fit a certain size, let's say 14 or above. Now, as I approach (and in some clothes surpass) my given threshold, I don't know what I'm supposed to be. My perspective has changed--everything is relative.
Several weeks ago, I went dancing at a club and a guy was asking about the "skinny" chick and the "big" chick. Yes, I was the big chick, but I was dancing next to a person with a totally different body shape and yes, she was some sizes smaller than me. It didn't really bother me being called big, maybe because I now know I will always be bigger than someone. I will never be the biggest nor the smallest. Anyway, who cares what a drunk dude says at a club?!
Then, there are people who say I'm getting too small and shouldn't lose anymore weight. I think I'm still going to be losing weight. But, losing the weight is definitely not why I'm doing it. Weight is a way to measure my progress. I believe I'm meant for bigger things. I believe someday I will be a respectable and competitive athlete. I believe I can find my balance someday.
This is a learning process, in which trial and error is used many times. Some things work; some don't. This is the way it should be; I'm actually finding more and more of my balance each week. It's getting easier to stick to the healthy lifestyle and harder to revert back to the unhealthy lifestyle. Food is no longer the enemy or the hero; it's just fuel for my "well-oiled" machine called my body. :-)
Funny quote to end my post...As a patron at the library once said, there goes the "white girl with the booty!" LOL
Several weeks ago, I went dancing at a club and a guy was asking about the "skinny" chick and the "big" chick. Yes, I was the big chick, but I was dancing next to a person with a totally different body shape and yes, she was some sizes smaller than me. It didn't really bother me being called big, maybe because I now know I will always be bigger than someone. I will never be the biggest nor the smallest. Anyway, who cares what a drunk dude says at a club?!
Then, there are people who say I'm getting too small and shouldn't lose anymore weight. I think I'm still going to be losing weight. But, losing the weight is definitely not why I'm doing it. Weight is a way to measure my progress. I believe I'm meant for bigger things. I believe someday I will be a respectable and competitive athlete. I believe I can find my balance someday.
This is a learning process, in which trial and error is used many times. Some things work; some don't. This is the way it should be; I'm actually finding more and more of my balance each week. It's getting easier to stick to the healthy lifestyle and harder to revert back to the unhealthy lifestyle. Food is no longer the enemy or the hero; it's just fuel for my "well-oiled" machine called my body. :-)
Funny quote to end my post...As a patron at the library once said, there goes the "white girl with the booty!" LOL
Day 10
Day 10 I warmed up with a half mile, did my weight and strength training, then ran a mile. (Plus, Marie's power pump). So, 1.5 miles today!
TOTAL: 12.0 miles!
TOTAL: 12.0 miles!
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Clothes Shopping
This weekend as promised I went on a clothes shopping adventure. It seems nowadays clothes shopping can get very emotional. I admit it--I usually cry in the dressing room, or at least tear up a bit. You see, being a plus-sized woman, I am used to getting whatever fits me. Not having any choices. Now, I have choices. I don't have to get the leopard print moo-moo because that's the only thing in my size.
But, as I am realizing, this experience too is quite an adventure. I sometimes (actually all the time) am frustrated with how clothes are fitting me. The plus size is too big and the "other side" of the store is too small. At times, I feel like I'm a freak of nature, still not belonging to one side or the other. I've heard a lot of people say that "it's a good problem to have." But, it's so frustrating. I've ALWAYS been defined by being PLUS SIZE. Now, what am I?
This weekend I said goodbye to plus size stores. It was a joyous and somber occassion. I said hello to new places like Plato's closet.
Overall, it was a successful shopping experience. I found some clothes for home and work. :-)
But, as I am realizing, this experience too is quite an adventure. I sometimes (actually all the time) am frustrated with how clothes are fitting me. The plus size is too big and the "other side" of the store is too small. At times, I feel like I'm a freak of nature, still not belonging to one side or the other. I've heard a lot of people say that "it's a good problem to have." But, it's so frustrating. I've ALWAYS been defined by being PLUS SIZE. Now, what am I?
This weekend I said goodbye to plus size stores. It was a joyous and somber occassion. I said hello to new places like Plato's closet.
Overall, it was a successful shopping experience. I found some clothes for home and work. :-)
Days 4-8
Well, I'm a little behind in the posting, but I am not behind in the running!
Day 4: 1.25 miles
Day 5: 1.0 mile
Day 6: OFF
Day 7: 2.0 miles
Day 8: 2.0 miles
TOTAL: 9.5 miles ran so far! :-)
Day 4: 1.25 miles
Day 5: 1.0 mile
Day 6: OFF
Day 7: 2.0 miles
Day 8: 2.0 miles
TOTAL: 9.5 miles ran so far! :-)
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Day 3
1 mile added to Day 3!
Total: 3.25 miles
I am breaking down and doing some major clothes shopping this weekend. Most of my clothes, especially work clothes, aren't fitting right, so I am getting new ones. My plan is to stop by several thrift shops and a few others.
My running routine is going well so far. I'm trying to figure out what works best for me. I can't wait for my next 5K in May, then more training and more runs and finally a half marathon!
146.75 miles to go!!
Total: 3.25 miles
I am breaking down and doing some major clothes shopping this weekend. Most of my clothes, especially work clothes, aren't fitting right, so I am getting new ones. My plan is to stop by several thrift shops and a few others.
My running routine is going well so far. I'm trying to figure out what works best for me. I can't wait for my next 5K in May, then more training and more runs and finally a half marathon!
146.75 miles to go!!
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Monday, April 11, 2011
Day 1
Well, today is the start of a long journey! I think I'll run tonight because, I didn't have the willpower to get out of bed by 4 this morning! One of my students told me in class today that he ran 11 miles earlier! I think by the end of the semester I'll have half the class starting to run/walk! hehehe
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Saturday, April 9, 2011
What is 150 in 150?
I am happy to announce that I have lost 150 pounds since starting this journey to a healthier me! First thought that came to mind: How should I celebrate this achievement? It's not every day that someone loses 150 pounds (without surgery), right? What better way to celebrate then to challenge myself even further!
150 in 150 is just one arm of the LJB project (the "me" project). 150 in 150 is a simple challenge: run 150 miles in 150 days. When I put this in writing, it sounds a lot scarier! But, I've been scared about a lot of things over the past year or so. I was scared when I joined the gym (Are they going to wonder why this fat girl is even trying at the gym?). I was scared when I went to my first zumba class (Will they note every misstep I make?). I was scared when I started the personal training sessions (Will she understand me and care about me to see me through this long road ahead?). I was scared when I first started power walking (How can I walk this fast while carrying all this weight?). And I was scared right before the gun was shot in my first 5K (Am I going to be the very last person to cross the finish line and will people feel sorry for me?). Honestly, I am scared about this challenge, but it must mean I'm on the right path. It's okay to fail. It's okay if you can't do it like everyone else. What's important? You give it your best effort and you will never lose.
So, when does this challenge begin? Monday, April 11, 2011...150 days later, September 7, 2011! I will keep this blog updated throughout all my adventures. I'm just glad I get to share it with everyone! Please follow my blog to keep updated on the progress. Day 1 is Monday!
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